Friend, after hearing about your experience, I understand the fear you described. I encourage you—perhaps the best way forward is to seek guidance from your parish priest, or to receive help from brothers and sisters involved in prayer ministry. Let them pray with you for healing and for the restoration of your faith.
Objectively speaking, regarding your kind of experience, we can also look at it this way: I know quite a few people who have been in car accidents—devout, prayerful people. Some of them could not bring themselves to drive again for a long time, while others were filled with gratitude, believing that since everyone in the car was safe, or that their lives were spared, it was a miraculous protection from God.
Both groups prayed for God’s protection; both went through danger. Yet, some came out with weaker faith, while others found their trust in the Lord deepened.
From this we can see: if we focus only on the things we want or try to control, and God does not grant them, we can easily fall into a crisis of faith. But if we focus instead on the blessings that remain—on the fact that we are still alive to love God and others—we begin to see that God has never abandoned us. He is present and giving, though not always in the way we expect.
Let me share about a good friend of mine. He has had a car accident almost every year—always being hit by others. A few years ago, he nearly lost his life. Yet, he never became fearful, nor did he complain to God. He continues to serve actively in several church groups and evangelization ministries. In recent years, he even joined the permanent diaconate formation program—and now he rides a motorcycle! I once asked him, “Aren’t you afraid? Shouldn’t you be driving the safest car possible?” He replied, “Afraid of what? God saved my life in that accident. Of course, He will continue to protect me.” What an extraordinary faith! I truly admire him.
Of course, I wouldn’t tell everyone to imitate that exactly. But from such testimonies, we can’t help but admit that even when we don’t see God’s protection, He has never abandoned us. We often just need to take a step back and see from another angle. At the same time, it may also be the moment to seek help—from priests and fellow believers—so that we can regain faith, let go of misplaced control or dependence, and ask the Lord to transform our remaining doubts and unbelief.